Allison

i'm finding everything funny right now

2007-11-06T19:44:24Z

LET'S BRING BACK LIVEJOURNAL.

ahahha what a bad idea.

scrufflepuffyouareanA+

There are fancy buttons in *this ma*chine
wha~~t does this~~ all mean	can i make things fun
how about a c~~omic~~ book	what is this
mlaahhhh	SnArT

this is like word what is going on. i want to go back to college (and bed).

i'm only here for the free music

alliswan @ 2006-01-05T20:27:00

2006-01-06T01:57:15Z

tonight one of the professors from work had all of us over for dinner at her house. I kind of hate being in social situations like that because you see them everyday and you've already talked about everything there is to talk about anyway. and what I was the most nervous about--

"so, your boyfriend isn't here?" THANKS LADY.
"...nope.."
"oh why not?" awwwwkwarddd
"ehhh,;.. he's not.. my boyfriend anymore."
her jaw drrrropppedd and i swear to god she stood there for 85 hours. she apologized a bunch and then she was like
"wasn't he your boyfriend since high school??" YES thanks for making an already awkward conversation even MORE awkward.
"well, at least you didn't have to spend money on him for christmas!" ... are you serious?

so the night was very odd and uncomfortable but I did talk to some girls that were closer to my age. jordan, lillia, and stacey. they were 4,6, and 5. we had some serious conversations about ice cream, cake, and reading music. it was very refreshing.

I think I'm still doing well with this whole thing. For some reason I'm sad today, but it's a different kind from how i've been the past few months. this is like normal I'm a nerd sad. It's shitty but it's cool because it's like I was before. no overly happy I"M FREEE or super sad I will be alone foreverrr. just the normal MAN THIS IS BALLS kind of sad. it's a happy sad... if that makes any sense.

in other news: I WILL MAKEOUT WITH YOUR FACE. seriously.

alliswan @ 2005-12-24T02:23:00

2005-12-24T07:31:37Z

this is good. right now, i'm happy. who would have thought? I'm actually EXCITED. seriously. i have so many options. i can meet people and talk to people and do things i have always been afraid to do. i know i'll still have my moments, but right now life is sweet. I'm surprised by how little I've been thinking about things. good job. keep it up, me

thank you friendfaces for being so nice and helping me feel like me again.

recap for future self: I did things and had fun and slightly embarrassed myself but it was still a good time. winkwink

alliswan @ 2005-12-22T01:32:00

2005-12-22T07:04:25Z

1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? meagan already answered that one!
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? i would find 1,000 noses to stick them to, and then I would realize that that only works with metal spoonsSTORYOFMYLIFE
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? i didnt really. i mostly heard what my brothers liked, so a mix between grungey crap and rrrrap
4. What is the best thing about your current job? i can work whatever hours I like and I can be like PEACE IM NOT COMING FOR A WEEK and my mom is like i still love you but i will kill you tomorrow
5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class? i wish it was required in LIFE
6. Are you against same sex marriage? nooo
7. Have you been on a date in the past week? no but i will be a huge whore soon so watch out
8. Where are you going on your next vacation? to helll with your motherrr
9. Quote a song lyric, because I told you to! "never get so attached to a poem, you forget truth that lacks lyricism"
10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? all of them are old. who needs new people when you already know the best oneesss?
11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? No
12. Do you like your parents? yes
13. Do you still live with them? yes letsnottalkaboutthat
14. What state/country are you from? nh, usa
15. Tell us about the last conversation you had? car goodbyes i'll call you tomorrow kind of stuff
16. Where do you see yourself in one month? living not in my house and having funnn i hope~!
17. What is your favorite smell? grass. that was just moweddd
18. Are you close with your siblings? no but we're cool
19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar? no
20. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment? 1:44 am and damn cold F
21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers? nope
22. Have you ever gone to therapy? KRON you ruined me with your poorpoor skillz
23. Have you ever Played Spin the Bottle? no
24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house? no
25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? everyday of my lifeee
26. Have you ever gone camping? yes
27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend? i don't have a sister. so, yes.
28. Have you ever been to a nude beach? no
29. Have you ever had sex on the beach? no
30. Have you ever had a stalker? just the letsgotolunchlistentomecryholdmyhandspendeverysecondwithmei'msoneedy kind
31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no
32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yes, that is my favorite
33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one? yuuup
34. Have you ever been cheated on? unfortunately, i think i have
35. Have you ever had sex with one of your myspace friends? no what is myspacetheinternetomg what is all of this
36. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend? see question 34 SIGH
37. Have you ever felt like you were just completely rhino raped? in the literal wow i was totally just raped by a rhino sense, then no. but in the hmm i feel so shitty i imagine that is what it is like to be rhino raped, then i would say yes
38. Have you ever lied to your parents? yeah
39. Have you ever been out of the U.S? yess
40. Have you ever thrown up from working out? no who does that
41. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat? not a hat, but a scarf. that was a sad day
42. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places? maybe?
43. Have you ever gotten so wasted you didnt know what was going on? every waking moment
44. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on? HEHE
45. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers? no

#2
I'm a girl.
I'm a boy.
I love Dave Chappelle.
My room is always tidy.
I never do things on time.
I go to Bruegger's Bagels every morning.
I have a webcam.
I know all the words to 'Back that Ass Up' by Juvenile.
I'm a member of PETA.
I've seen the movie 8 mile.
I have a tribal tattoo.
I have my medusa pierced.
I have my septum pierced.
I have some sort of surface piercing.
I stretch my ears.
I own a dancing hamster.
I've drank spoiled milk before.
I use drugs.
I've been arrested.
I've written a love letter.
I've been written a love letter.
I go to an arcade frequently.
I love my body.
My favorite feature is my lips.
I know that double Ls in Spanish are pronounced like Ys.
I have never been to a concert.
I own fewer than ten DVDs.
I hate scary movies.
I'm vegan.
I know how to make mixed drinks.
I've built a puppet.
I'm in the Despair Faction.
I find happiness in making others cry or squirm.
I'm really tired.
I've got green eyes.
I've taken n00dz.
I lie a lot.
I hate Mexican food.
I stencil.
I refuse to be seen as weak.
I prefer CDs to vinyls.
I don't have a myspace.
I want huge tattoos.
I have a PC.
I love smooth jazz.
I take my music seriously.
I'm a morning person.
I've had an STD.
I love being kissed on the lips.
I'm tall.
I hate Christmas.

#3

// YOUR ROOM, WAKING UP //
01. What color are your walls? raspberry-ish
02. What color is your bedspread/sheets? white and limey
03. What color is your rug? nasty blue-green
04. Any posters/bulletin boards/designs in your room? yep amelieee
05. Do you have a TV? yes
06. Do you have a phone? cellllaphone
07. Do you have your own computer? Yes.
08. Do you have a desk? yes
09. What are your most treasured belongings in your room? this little thing im using, my camera, ps2!, spotty and pierogi
10. What are your most favorite things in your room? all those things
11. Do you have any fancy lights in your room? no i have very unfancy lighting
// GETTING READY //
01. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? cry
02. Anything unusual? actually getting up is unusual
03. Do you pick out your clothes the night before school? usually i seperate what is wicked dirty and what is not yet dirty enough to wash but ok to wear
04. Do you try your best to look cute for school? i should probably start

// SCHOOL //
01. What color is your backpack? i use my brown with pink birds toteee bag
02. Do you try your best when it comes to school work? for the first week then im like IM SO AWESOME and fail horribly
03. Do you listen or doodle? doodle mostly
04. BE QUIET - we all know you doodle, but what do you doodle? lines and little people and squigggs
05. Do you eat your cafeteria food, or go out? hot pocket. hot pocket every day of my life.
06. What do you do right when schools over? work

// HOME //
When you come home are you. . .
01. Miserable? yes
02. Happy? no
03. Tired? yes
04. LEAVE ME ALONE? yes actually no

// OTHER //
01. Do you take walks around your neighborhood sometimes? maybe if i walk lucy
02. What are some hobbies of yours? sitting sleeping and eating
03. Do you collect anything? dead bodies, in my walls
04. What do you do in your spare time? sit and sleep
05. Are you in love, or at least falling? falling OUT this is awkward find me a boyfriend

// NIGHT TIME //
01. What do you do before you go to bed? computer or cry. you know, whatev
02. Do you kiss your parents/guardians goodnight, or just say goodnight? say itt
03. What way do you sleep (ex: on your side, tummy, etc.)? i flail too much to find out
04. Do you like your life? currently i really don't know. i like parts.

it is late and i am emotional and jesus christ and this is what happens

2005-12-06T09:10:17Z

so i am having a rough night. i got back from japan yesterday so my time is all screwed up and all i can do is sit here and think about what's happened. I've really only talked to meagan and my mom about it, and it's killing me. i just want to talk about it forever until it doesn't hurt so bad. but I can't do that so i'm doing what you do when you get sad. i'll write on livejournal about it, then i'll probably see it again in a few days and delete it. but i'll get it out now instead of just sitting in bed and thinking all these bad things.

I never get anything completely. all the things in my life are just small pieces of what they should be. it's hard to be a whole person and grow to be better when all I have are bad feelings and things that aren't what they look like. i don't try hard enough and i care too much about what people think about me.
i've never felt so truly cold and lonely in my whole life. I've lost my best friend, the person I thought would stand by me forever, who would tell me things would be okay no matter how bad I messed up. but he decided i wasn't worth it. that i'm not good enough to love. i'm realizing that I never meant that much to him, if he can so casually say hey, i'm done with this i need to be alone, and then have a new girfriend after 3 weeks. it doesn't make sense.
i keep saying in time things will change, he'll realize his mistake and blahblah but i'm wrong. that won't happen. you can't treat someone so horribly and then say oops i made a mistake. he knew what he was doing the whole time. and i just let it happen and i thanked him for being honest with me even though i knew he was lying. i was READING IT as i said well sorry im bothering you about this and all i was thinking about was how bad i felt for making him feel uncomfortable even though he was dishonest and awful and sjhrskl
the truth is if he said "i'm sorry, please let me back" i would in a second. i would let him back and i would hug him and kiss his face and i would say "please just don't do it again, please" but he would, and then the next one will, and the next one, and forever.. they all will and I'm just going to be back here sad and alone with bad thoughts running circles in my mind until i snap. i think i may have already. i just keep writing on a piece of paper you'll be ok you'll be ok you'll be ok you'll be ok because maybe if i write it enough it'll actually happen.
i'm not sad we broke up, it was bound to happen.. i was thinking about it before anyway. i lost a person that was important to me, that i had believed thought I was important, too. it hurts that after four years, i can be thrown away so easily. i don't know what i did to deserve this, but i wish so badly I could go back and do it over again. i can't express how i'm feeling. words don't work for how deep down this hurts.

i'm going to just pretend that i'm ok, like i have been. i'll keep saying it's anger, and i'll keep hoping for bad things to happen and maybe eventually it will turn to that. but for now i guess i just have to pick myself up and try to make the best of this whole crappy situation.

alliswan @ 2005-08-29T20:28:00

2005-08-30T00:30:01Z

yayyy

I'm awkward and socially inept! yayy so great

UM im resetting my INTERNAL CLOCK bitchchuduio

2005-07-24T08:35:56Z

4:30 am confession:

I have downloaded all of Natalie Imbruglia's new album. i don't really like it, but i want to (why? i don't know) and i feel guilty that i don't. that is all.

alliswan @ 2005-07-09T01:36:00

2005-07-09T05:42:08Z

One time, I gave myself an afro. That was a great day.

oh yeah this crap

2005-05-08T05:38:50Z

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

asshat

2005-05-08T05:00:41Z

Things that are on my mind:

-This new computer thing is sweet. It makes me want to type papers. The only problem is thAT I KEEP HITTING THE CAPSLOCK OOOPS.

- I helped Meagan order a mini Ipod today. I might get one too and they will be twinnys. She's getting something NEAT engraved on the back. If you see it, you should love it. or touch it. it's your choice.

- I am only updating this livejournal crap because it has a frigging dashboard widget and its magic and shrjshrh i can just type and it's magically on the internet. wow. amazing.

- actually now that I think about it, it really isn't that amazing.

- ok the novelty of this has worn off

UHHHHHH

alliswan @ 2005-04-25T18:27:00

2005-04-25T22:30:28Z

Dear Friends, (clicky this)

alliswan @ 2005-04-13T18:03:00

2005-04-13T22:06:48Z

I had a great weekend but it made me realize how much I'm missing.

I'm going crazy. I need a pal.

also,

,, wait, there's nothing else.

alliswan @ 2005-04-06T18:30:00

2005-04-06T22:58:11Z

I was looking for things to cheer me up. this is what I found!

we like tha moooon

and finally, i don't like orangutans because they look too much like the olsen twins. wait, THATS WHY I LOVE THEM. just kidding, they're all gross except this one.

when you get sad, think about monkeys, ok?

HEY LOOK

2005-03-31T03:14:30Z

typeeeyp type type eeee

i am happy that friends are okay.

i am not happy that //,.mlalala stuff. you know how it is.

springtime?

shiptime? anyone want to go with me?

alliswan @ 2004-05-10T22:20:00

2004-05-11T02:22:19Z

who looks at this crap?

alliswan @ 2003-11-16T22:10:00

2003-11-17T03:15:37Z